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God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
-C S Lewis
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The Most Wonderful Man In The World
I was randomly searching for my family on Google today. This isn't the first time I've done this, but it's the first time I've gotten results!
Although I was very close to my maternal grandfather (Thatha, aka Dr Asirdas), I didn't really know much about what he did for a living, other than that he was a psychiatrist (and a pretty good one at that!). My grandma is also a psychiatrist, but she got one up on my grandad and got a PhD.
I then found two entries in BMJ Issues around 1977 which both had Thatha's name in them. I also found a research paper written by my grandma on (get this!)
"The behavioural treatment of sexual inadequacy."
Wow. Not sure I want to read that..
But FAR FAR cooler than that: a NEWSPAPER CLIPPING!
Published on page 8 of The Strait Times, on 14th September 1962, is an article about MY grandad.
AND.. he's involved in criminal psychology. Wow.
(N.B. Not the full text.)After reading this over and over again, savoring every word and every detail, after getting over the initial excitement at seeing my grandfather's name, I began to think.
I really wish I had gotten to talk to my Thatha a lot more.
I was only 15 when he died, and I don't think I was able to fully appreciate what an amazing man he was.
From what I remember, he was always laughing, always cracking jokes with us, always wanting to love his grandchildren.
He doted on us any chance that he could.
On weekend sleepovers with the cousins, we would always make the infamous trips to Marsh's, to say hi to "Mr Marsh", and Woolworth's, to buy £5 worth of Pic'n'mix each (although he'd always let us go over!). He loved taking us to the park, and would play with us for hours whilst Amachi would be at home making her special noodles. And Thatha would always have one Mars Ice Cream pack and Magnum pack stocked in his freezer whenever we came over, because there were 6 ice creams in each pack, and 5 cousins to fight over them.
He would always make sure that he had at least one episode of "Muppets Tonight" taped for us, when we were snuggled up in our blankets in the living room, ready to go to sleep. And in the morning, he would be the first one up, ready to help us make some Bombay Toast, or to pretend he hadn't seen when we ran off to play Sonic on the good old fashioned Sega.
He was one of the funniest men I have ever met: his wit, his jokes were second to none.
I loved spending time with Thatha because he made me feel so happy: I could never be upset when I was around him.
He was the most caring man I think I will ever meet: his gentle nature but firm disposition meant he was very popular with everyone he meant.
Though I had many memorable times with him, I cannot erase the most recent painful memories from my mind.
I cannot even begin to describe the anguish and pain you feel when a loved one loses their memories, and control of their body.
How could a man so dear to my heart not remember who I was?
How could a man I respected and looked up to so much, be in such a state of turmoil in his mind?
I couldn't understand how it was possible that this could happen to someone so kind and loving: someone who definitely did not deserve to end his life in this way.
I guess we'll never really understand why some events unfold the way they do.
Thatha, wherever you are, I hope you're looking down on me now, and I hope you're proud of the young woman I've grown up to be.
I think about you so much, and I miss your presence in our lives.
You would always light up the room when you came in: a phrase not said about many.
I feel so blessed to have been in your life; to have been impacted by you.
I love you.
Always.
He has a face of light
And is the calm within the depth of any storm.
Gentle stranger, earth angel
without ego or expectation
Only dreams and hope for those he loves
and he loves many....
But many more love and adore him.
When our hope is lost, it is his smile,
his indifference to all fear and chaos
that opens each of us to the greatest love of all.
His love and legacy teaches us only what we should give,
not what we can take.
His inner grace is our light in the dark,
His flame is eternal.
R.I.P.
Exaamsss
I am actually so scared.
It's hit me that I may not pass these exams.. there is SO much to do and so little time.
I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this.
:(
It's hit me that I may not pass these exams.. there is SO much to do and so little time.
I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this.
:(
When it Hurts to Look Back, and You're Scared to Look Ahead, You Can Look Beside You and Your Best Friend Will Be There
Friends really are hugs for the heart.
I don't know what I'd do without this one.
Though we haven't known each other the longest, and right now we are oceans apart from each other, this girl has been there for me through thick and thin.
I'd like to think I've done the same for her.
We first met one morning 6 years ago, when she came in through the classroom door in a long, long, loo-oooong (yes V, you were a geek!) grey skirt. Baggy school jumper, hair plaited, glasses-wearing and carrying a lacrosse stick.
And since that day, we became the best of friends.
We're not all that similar. (apart from our taste in guys.. 'Why is the rum gone?') V's a veg. I am most definitely not.
She loved geography, I hated it.
She calls three different continents home. I.. don't.
She has a beautiful complexion - I just get lots of spots. Sigh.
She is obsessed with hummus, I hate the stuff.
She's very culturally aware, and (I reckon) patriotic - and I..... well. Lets just say much work needs to be done.
Though she moved to India 3 years ago, and went to America last year for university, we've still managed to stay incredibly close all this time. Like the picture says, she's basically my sister.
We've laughed together, cried together, laughed until we've cried together - I don't know who I would be now if I hadn't met her.
In some ways, she has made me the person I am today, and I'm so thankful that when I've needed someone to lean on, she's been there.
Despite our many differences, we go together like cheese on bread. I have had so many incredible times with V: rooming together on the Wales trip; our many outings to Oxford Street & Bond Street (waffles!); swimming in Lake Konstanz in Deustchland; pretending to be 18 so we'd get served alcohol; finally being 18 and getting wonderfully, wonderfully drunk; "Mama told me, don't be talking to a stranger"; Kookai writing!; cupcake times in the snow; BART SIMPSON; that one picture - PITS!; that other one picture - penis!; SLAM (or was it SPEED?); lessons with Lauret; fantasizing about our own Mr Darcy in English lessons; Brighton times; her surprise party and making her scrapbook; Thorpe Park (boobies!); dressing up as giant life-sized playing cards (then selling our costumes for 10p towards charity to some random kid because V made me!); sleepovers at each others houses; getting in late and having food at 2am in her kitchen... the list is endless.
I miss those times, but I'm excited that for the next five years at least, we'll get a chance to make some more memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
And we'll finally get a chance to complete (and add to) "The List". After 4 years!
I love you so much V.
It's not fair that you've had to go through so much: you're one of the kindest and nicest people I know.
I want you to know I'm always there for you, no matter what.
You're one in a million, always remember that.
Don't let anyone tell you different.
Love, your sister
Smile..
Smile, though your heart is aching..
Smile, even though it's breaking..
When there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by,
If you smile..
Through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you..
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time,
You must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is worthwhile,
If you just smile...
Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.
-The Wonder Years
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