The Most Wonderful Man In The World

I was randomly searching for my family on Google today. This isn't the first time I've done this, but it's the first time I've gotten results!
Although I was very close to my maternal grandfather (Thatha, aka Dr Asirdas), I didn't really know much about what he did for a living, other than that he was a psychiatrist (and a pretty good one at that!). My grandma is also a psychiatrist, but she got one up on my grandad and got a PhD.
I found an article my mother had written, published in the BMJ in 1981. 
I then found two entries in BMJ Issues around 1977 which both had Thatha's name in them. I also found a research paper written by my grandma on (get this!)
"The behavioural treatment of sexual inadequacy."
Wow. Not sure I want to read that..

But FAR FAR cooler than that: a NEWSPAPER CLIPPING!
Published on page 8 of The Strait Times, on 14th September 1962, is an article about MY grandad.
AND.. he's involved in criminal psychology. Wow.
(N.B. Not the full text.)
After reading this over and over again, savoring every word and every detail, after getting over the initial excitement at seeing my grandfather's name, I began to think.

I really wish I had gotten to talk to my Thatha a lot more.

I was only 15 when he died, and I don't think I was able to fully appreciate what an amazing man he was.

From what I remember, he was always laughing, always cracking jokes with us, always wanting to love his grandchildren.
He doted on us any chance that he could.
On weekend sleepovers with the cousins, we would always make the infamous trips to Marsh's, to say hi to "Mr Marsh", and Woolworth's, to buy £5 worth of Pic'n'mix each (although he'd always let us go over!). He loved taking us to the park, and would play with us for hours whilst Amachi would be at home making her special noodles. And Thatha would always have one Mars Ice Cream pack and Magnum pack stocked in his freezer whenever we came over, because there were 6 ice creams in each pack, and 5 cousins to fight over them.
He would always make sure that he had at least one episode of "Muppets Tonight" taped for us, when we were snuggled up in our blankets in the living room, ready to go to sleep. And in the morning, he would be the first one up, ready to help us make some Bombay Toast, or to pretend he hadn't seen when we ran off to play Sonic on the good old fashioned Sega.
He was one of the funniest men I have ever met: his wit, his jokes were second to none.
I loved spending time with Thatha because he made me feel so happy: I could never be upset when I was around him.

He was the most caring man I think I will ever meet: his gentle nature but firm disposition meant he was very popular with everyone he meant.

Though I had many memorable times with him, I cannot erase the most recent painful memories from my mind.
I cannot even begin to describe the anguish and pain you feel when a loved one loses their memories, and control of their body. 
How could a man so dear to my heart not remember who I was?
How could a man I respected and looked up to so much, be in such a state of turmoil in his mind?
I couldn't understand how it was possible that this could happen to someone so kind and loving: someone who definitely did not deserve to end his life in this way.
I guess we'll never really understand why some events unfold the way they do.

Thatha, wherever you are, I hope you're looking down on me now, and I hope you're proud of the young woman I've grown up to be.
I think about you so much, and I miss your presence in our lives. 
You would always light up the room when you came in: a phrase not said about many.
I feel so blessed to have been in your life; to have been impacted by you.
I love you.

He has a face of light
And is the calm within the depth of any storm.
Gentle stranger, earth angel
without ego or expectation
Only dreams and hope for those he loves
and he loves many....
But many more love and adore him.
When our hope is lost, it is his smile,
his indifference to all fear and chaos
that opens each of us to the greatest love of all.
His love and legacy teaches us only what we should give,
not what we can take.
His inner grace is our light in the dark,
His flame is eternal.


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I am actually so scared.

It's hit me that I may not pass these exams.. there is SO much to do and so little time.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this.


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Black Flowers Blossom

Don't really know what to say anymore.


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When it Hurts to Look Back, and You're Scared to Look Ahead, You Can Look Beside You and Your Best Friend Will Be There

Friends really are hugs for the heart.

I don't know what I'd do without this one.

Though we haven't known each other the longest, and right now we are oceans apart from each other, this girl has been there for me through thick and thin.

I'd like to think I've done the same for her.

We first met one morning 6 years ago, when she came in through the classroom door in a long, long, loo-oooong (yes V, you were a geek!) grey skirt. Baggy school jumper, hair plaited, glasses-wearing and carrying a lacrosse stick.
And since that day, we became the best of friends.
We're not all that similar. (apart from our taste in guys.. 'Why is the rum gone?') V's a veg. I am most definitely not.
She loved geography, I hated it.
She calls three different continents home. I.. don't.
She has a beautiful complexion - I just get lots of spots. Sigh.
She is obsessed with hummus, I hate the stuff.
She's very culturally aware, and (I reckon) patriotic - and I..... well. Lets just say much work needs to be done. 

Though she moved to India 3 years ago, and went to America last year for university, we've still managed to stay incredibly close all this time. Like the picture says, she's basically my sister

We've laughed together, cried together, laughed until we've cried together - I don't know who I would be now if I hadn't met her.
In some ways, she has made me the person I am today, and I'm so thankful that when I've needed someone to lean on, she's been there.

Despite our many differences, we go together like cheese on bread. I have had so many incredible times with V: rooming together on the Wales trip; our many outings to Oxford Street & Bond Street (waffles!); swimming in Lake Konstanz in Deustchland; pretending to be 18 so we'd get served alcohol; finally being 18 and getting wonderfully, wonderfully drunk; "Mama told me, don't be talking to a stranger"; Kookai writing!; cupcake times in the snow; BART SIMPSON; that one picture - PITS!; that other one picture - penis!; SLAM (or was it SPEED?); lessons with Lauret; fantasizing about our own Mr Darcy in English lessons; Brighton times; her surprise party and making her scrapbook; Thorpe Park (boobies!); dressing up as giant life-sized playing cards (then selling our costumes for 10p towards charity to some random kid because V made me!); sleepovers at each others houses; getting in late and having food at 2am in her kitchen... the list is endless.

I miss those times, but I'm excited that for the next five years at least, we'll get a chance to make some more memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

And we'll finally get a chance to complete (and add to) "The List". After 4 years! 

I love you so much V.

It's not fair that you've had to go through so much: you're one of the kindest and nicest people I know.

I want you to know I'm always there for you, no matter what.

You're one in a million, always remember that.
Don't let anyone tell you different.

Love, your sister

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So cute! :)

Just look at the video. Click on the title. Its really sweet.

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Smile, though your heart is aching..
Smile, even though it's breaking..
When there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by,
If you smile..

Through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you..

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time,
You must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is worthwhile,
If you just smile...

Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.
-The Wonder Years

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Shadows Fill an Empty Heart..

I'm done with this.

Ignorance really is bliss.

No matter how far wrong I've gone, I can always turn around.

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Lost for words, with all to say.

There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.

Imagination electrified.

In this life, there is no light without the dark.

The chief beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it in advance.
The next year, the next day, the next hour
are lying ready for you,
as perfect, as unspoiled,
as if you had never wasted or misapplied
a single moment in all your life.

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For Your Entertainment.

So today, I was asked by one of my friends for a "revision playlist". Seeing as I am somewhat of an expert in the field of music *cough cough*, I can totally (totes) understand why she would want to ask for my invaluable advice!

I generally believe that instrumental music is the best music to revise to. The absence of lyrics means that you are less likely to be distracted from your work by thinking about the words. Instrumental music can be both uplifting and inspiring if you choose the correct type of music, however some songs which have lyrics can also be suitable if you choose them appropriately.

So here is a (carefully selected!) list I have compiled for those of you who want something to listen to, and perhaps motivate you to work!
Note: everyone is different in their musical tastes, and also in the music that inspires them and that just plain annoys them. So I apologise if these songs do not appeal to you, but I'm sure that at least a few in this list will!

  1. Enya - Only Time
  2. Enya - Adiemus
  3. Enya/Hans Zimmer - Now We Are Free (Gladiator Soundtrack)
  4. Coldplay - Life in Technicolour
  5. Lighthouse Family - High
  6. Ludovico Einaudi - Primavera
  7. Ludovico Einaudi - Divenire
  8. Ludovico Einaudi - Melodia Africana III
  9. Massive Attack - Teardrop
  10. Hans Zimmer - At World's End Medley
  11. Hans Zimmer - POTC Theme
  12. Adele - Daydreamer
  13. Pixie Lott - Use Somebody (Kings of Leon Acoustic Cover)
  14. The Fray - Cable Car
  15. John Mayer - Bigger than my Body
  16. John Mayer - Your Body is a Wonderland
  17. Regina Spektor - Eet
  18. Ocean City - Vanilla Twilight
  19. Ayo Awosika - Last to Love You
  20. Corrine Bailey Rae - Put Yout Records On
  21. Bitter:Sweet - The Mating Game
  22. Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata
  23. Boyce Avenue - Shadow of the Day (Linkin Park Cover)
  24. Emilie Mover - Ordinary Day
  25. Muse - Undisclosed Desires

That's all I can think of for now. Plus I'm really tired, and have an early morning start tomorrow, fun fun! Goodnight all :)

Disclaimer: all music in general can be distracting: theoretically you're dividing your attention between work and music, even though different areas of your brain are being stimulated.

Quote of the Day: I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
-Agatha Christie

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Hearts, Words & Other Forgotten Things - My Muse.

I'm cold.

I'm freezing FREEZING cold.
Wearing two layers and tights and still cold.
Should have brought my scarf, even though its almost summer.
Walking home through the dark, listening to 'OMG - Usher' on replay (seriously can't get that song out of my head. It's so good!) and I'm hoping that the white van passing me on the other side of the road is going to do just that - pass, and not stop to roll a window down while a fat perv leers at me.
Yes. Quite.
I see the familiar sight of the mental hospital approaching me, and mentally relax. I'm almost home!!
Going up the lift of the building next to the mental hospital, I ponder on life: exams, revision, music and...and oh man, I need to do the washing up. I head to the kitchen, chucking my 59p milk in the fridge and get to work on washing my dishes. In the midst of washing up plates, bowls and also my tin-opener-which-my-flatmate-"borrowed"-without-washing-up (hate it when that happens. It was disgusting!), I suddenly get an epiphany! 

I believe thats what they call it anyway.

I've enjoyed writing my blog so far, I really really have, but somehow, I'd be stuck for things to write sometimes.

Then I realised - my one main passion in life is MUSIC.

So why on EARTH am I not writing about it!?

So from now on, my blog will be focused on the music that both inspires and uplifts me. Obviously I'll be talking about other things too, but the focus of this blog is music. Whatever mood, whatever genre, whether it be secular or non-secular, good or bad, classical or modern - I'll always have something to talk about regarding music!

So I think that it's only befitting to start off with the song/album that inspired my blog title: Hearts, Words & Other Forgotten Things. 
This is the title of an album by an incredibly talented young jazz singer, called Ayo Awosika. Although she's not exactly  mainstream, she has performed in places such as California,  New York and Colorado. I believe that this is her first album out, though don't quote me on that.
There are 6 tracks on this album, my favourite of which would have to be "Last to Love You". She has a deep, rich mellow voice and an incredibly unique tone, which leaves a lasting impression on you. This song I particularly like because it talks about such a painful issue, but the accompaniment of the acoustic guitar, piano and percussion makes this an uplifting and enjoyable song to relax and unwind to. This is the type of music I often put on in the background whilst I'm revising, or needing to relax after a long day. 

If you enjoy some light hearted "feel good" jazz, then she's definitely one for you to watch. I don't think I can compare her to any other artists, because she really is that unique.

Quote of the Day: "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 
-Marilyn Monroe

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You've Got Mail: Forgotten Things

So I went to meet my brother at his school to collect my glasses and scarf, which I stupidly left at home this weekend.
When he finally came to the school gate to meet me, he gave me a plastic bag and said "Oh by the way, you got a letter."

I was SO excited!! Receiving letters (which aren't just bank statements or MPA newsletters or general junk) actually makes me so happy. I know it's old fashioned and outdated but I love receiving cards and letters in the post!

And it makes it even more exciting when it's post from abroad: say, the USA for example!
My best friend V goes (well, went to) to university in America. And she decided to send me this card. 

When I opened the card, I found a picture of the two of us she had edited and added the caption "Best friends? More like sisters." to. I absolutely love it, and it now has a proud centre space on my notice board.

If anyone else feels like writing me a letter, please do!
Anyways, back to revision now.

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Exams. Again. Vent vent vent

My life right now, is one big, long, detailed colour-coded timetable.
It won't even fit onto a panoramic screen shot! 
(Ignore the "Commando!". It's part of my calendar.)

This is 5 weeks worth of revision time. Purely revision.
Not once have I pencilled in "Going Out". 
Maybe I should have pencilled in some "Procrastination" periods.

But seriously, I'm going to try stick to this as much as I can. I know it's going to be hard, especially since there is SO much to cover now (and with lectures on top of that!), but it is plausible if I just do exactly as it says. Right?

Goodbye world. For a few weeks at least.
Maybe not goodbye blog, since this will be my "creative outlet" during exam period. Yay.

I'm tempted to get one of those Countdown Boxes for the exams. But I already have one to be honest: one of my friends on Facebook is getting married the week after my exams finish. So whenever I see her status posts of "10 weeks. x" or "58 days x" etc etc it starts to make me panicky.. because its that, minus 7 days, which is how long I have left.
Which really isn't long at all.

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Beauty to Ashes.

Quote of the Day:

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

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Fight Like A Girl

Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful.
So, hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl.

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Its not fair.

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So recently, many people I know - some in particular - have been worrying about the phenomenon that we all know and hate as - exams.

Yes, that time of year has swung round again. So much to cram in, in such little time!

Now I myself suffer from examin-itis every now and then. Nasty stuff.
So I thought I would pull together a few little "Motivational Quotes" to inspire you whenever you feel down or need a light pick-me-up.
Or a reminder of why you even bother working.

So anyways.
Take a quick 5 minute break from your revision.

Sit back, and absorb....

Not to sound gay or anything, but I really recommend you REALLY look at these. Just take it in, and see how these quotations can apply to you.

1) Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
-Albert Schweizer

2) The test of a successful person is not an ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and work out difficulties when they do arise. We must be willing to make an intelligent compromise with perfection lest we wait forever before taking action. It's still good advice to cross bridges as we come to them.
-David Joseph Schwartz

3) (N.B. Although this is a quote, I recommend you do this. Really helps with scheduling revision timetables.)
Every evening, write down the six most important things that you must do the next day. Then while you sleep your subconscious will work on the best ways for you to accomplish them. Your next day will go much more smoothly.
-Tom Hopkins

4) Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good that we oft may win, By fearing to attempt
-William Shakespeare

5) Study as if you were going to live forever; live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
-Maria Mitchell

6) The best way to live is to appreciate each minute as an unrepeatable miracle. Work at your work and play at your play. Don't try to borrow from your future. Accept that now is the best time of your life.

7) Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Also, remember:

8) Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.
-Henry Ward Breecher

9) Behind every successful man there's a lot of unsuccessful years.
-Bob Brown

And finally, although we don't want to admit to this, we all know its true:

10) The best way to finish an unpleasant task is to get started.

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May Day!

Wow its my 21st blog post.
On the 1st of May!

Coincidence? Well... yeah.

I had a really good day today actually.
Woke up early (okay that wasn't good.) for a revision workshop, which was BLUDY brilliant. The guy teaching was such a good teacher!

Then went to meet KavKav (my longest girlfriend, our 16 year anniversary in September - awwwww) for a nice little lunch in a cute little cafe in the great little town called Surbiton.
And turns out she may be following in the footsteps of her so-wise friend and doing Medicine too! Watch this space...

Then dropped her home, saw Billy (her beautiful doggy.) who I've known since he was a puppy, and he's 13 years old now can you believe! Picked up a jug from hers which had been at her house since September 2009 (yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am pretty crap at keeping in touch with a lot of my friends.) and promised to get my yearbook off Geni some time this year.
Then dashed back to my home, saw Sammy (my beautiful doggy.) who's only 5 years old but he's so crazy you'd think he was a hugely oversized puppy.
Then dashed up to my room, dumped uni stuff and rushed off to Feltham.

I LOVE Feltham, for two reasons:
1. Everytime we go there, it is either for bowling or to see a Hindi movie.
2. We always - or pretty much always - go to Lahore Karahi in Hounslow afterwards. YES.

So we went bowling for my Aunt's birthday. And check this out - myself and my girl cousin were SERIOUSLY beating my brother and male cousins! They were getting all macho and defensive that two girls could beat them, it was pretty funny.
Then we played a game where we had to bowl the ball in different ways. As so:
1) Bowl the ball facing backwards
2) Lie on the floor and kick the bowl into the alley
3) Do a flying leap and a "Whee" as you bowl the ball
4) Bowl as fast as you can
and my personal favourite:
5) In the style of Amachi, using the "cheating thing", roll the ball down the "cheating thing", shouting out "AMACHI" or "CHICKEN NOODLES" according to preference.

So much fun.

Then went to Lahore Karahi for some excellent Punjabi food. Seriously, this food has never tasted so good as it did today!
Unlimited mango lassi - Chicken Karahi - Naan - Peshwaari Naan - Lamb Kebab - Lamb chops - Lamb and some saag thing - some other chicken dish -
Yes we love our meat.

Then dashed home to make it before midnight, so I could enter the FIRST Glamour Competition of the Month/Year.
I don't know exactly what the prize is, but hell, does it really matter? Its FREEBIES! Free stuff actually gets me so excited I really don't know why.

Now I really need to sleep, and wipe off my Panda Eyes. In contrary to the dutty Urban Dictionary definition, this is merely that I rubbed my mascara-eyeliner-laden eyes in the shower, just for jokes, to see what they'd look like.
I actually look like that guy from Kiss. With the make up on obviously.
But yeah, not a good look.
Bed calls. My mum bought me some really cute pyjamas and everything, gonna go try them out.
Goodnight all!

Quote of the Day:

To see the earth as it truly is, small and blue and beautiful in that eternal silence where it floats, is to see ourselves as riders on the earth together, brothers on that bright loveliness in the eternal cold.

-Archibald MacLeish

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